Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
