and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
