angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
