i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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