Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
