I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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