I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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