i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
