my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
