he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
