you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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