Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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