I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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