well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she smelled like a LAN party
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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