My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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