Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
