I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
