this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
