IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
