I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
