what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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