I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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