Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
