My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
