my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
