ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
