this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
