Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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