Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
