I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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