I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
