Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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