Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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