every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
