When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
