i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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