it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
