we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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