I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
