my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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