Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
