he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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