I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
