my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
