For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
