Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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