If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
