this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
