sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
