she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
