i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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