You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
