I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
