just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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