she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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