bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
