My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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