piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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