Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
