So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
even my farts smell like vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Randomize
