She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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