oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
