Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
