Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
