the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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