sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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