so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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