Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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