Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
