I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
