we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
