Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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