His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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