K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Are we still banned from the library?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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