Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
