The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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