I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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