My sheets look like a crime scene.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
