I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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