take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
