Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
