I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
