i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
