dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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