The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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