I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
