just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
now i know why i became what i already was.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You ate ashes out of my bong
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