One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
