There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
