Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
